The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
