Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize