I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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