but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
