Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
