my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
