whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
