I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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