Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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