I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
