Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
