Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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