woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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