the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
