um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
