your parents love me but you hate me
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
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