You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How does one acquire holy water?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize