i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
