you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
