I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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