saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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