so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
