I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
