dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
God I need to hump something, right now.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
