Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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