You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
