I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
