I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
