Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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