I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
