Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
and she was petting her beer can
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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