i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
