Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
