just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
