my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
