too bad you live with your parents still
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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