grandma shit on top of the toilet
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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