Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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