All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
