There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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