Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
