So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
