Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
