There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
