OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
