Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
