I heard we made out
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
