I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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