True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
