I wish I could punch you in the face.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
