Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
