Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
