Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
