Cold hands, warm shart.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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