It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
