you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
