My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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