There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
