Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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