if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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