Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sorry my hands just texted you
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
