I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
