I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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