I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You smell like stripper and shame
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
