I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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