you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
