census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
