i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
