God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
