Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
