I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
